Groom’s To Do List Review – You haven’t asked her yet??

As I began to write this blog, I assumed that many of you had already “popped” the question.  Boy was I wrong.

Since beginning this blog I have been bombarded with guys asking me about how to propose? Should I propose? Is she the one? How do I have a happy marriage?

I have to be frank with you, I really don’t know.  I was married in 2000 on a cold December night and got divorced just shy of our 9th year anniversary.  I have to be honest with you; I didn’t take the time to read up about how to be a good husband.  I was so busy creating one restaurant after another and handling one wedding after another, that I didn’t know mine was not working until it was too late.

I’ve spilled my guts to you because it is important that you know if your Bride to be is “the one”. You owe it to yourself to understand how to balance a healthy, loving relationship with your Bride while pursuing your career or business.

It really won’t matter how good your Groom’s to do list is, or this blog for that matter if your mind and heart is not in the game.

I had no desire to start doing research on this, because of my schedule and the fact that it would only make me realize my failure in my own marriage.  However, I started to understand just how little a soon to be Groom  understands what he is about to embark on.

So I began to research and review items on the web designed for the Groom.  I’ve been amazed at how little there is for you guys and how much it is about the Bride.

I have reviewed almost 20 eBooks, manuals, and self-help books in the last few months.  The program I have found extremely helpful has been developed by a man named Michael Webb.  He is an author, a public speaker and a consultant in the field of love and relationships.

I wanted to spend a minute of two and give you my unbiased review of his material.  I found it helpful because he has packaged a book collection that starts with how to propose’ How to save Time and Money planning your Honeymoon; How to know She’s the ONE; The Newlywed’s Guide to a Happy Marriage.Click here to go to Michael Webb’s Official site:

I was amazed and exhilarated to find someone taking time to address issues that soon to be married guys go through.

I just want to give you a quick unbiased report of my findings.

“The Romantic’s Guide to Popping the Question” (Priceless or Worthless?) ­ Here’s The Book Review:

This is Mr.Webb’s “Title” book.  Creative, fun and interesting.  Let’s face it, one of the biggest problems you face, when planning to pop the question, is finding a unique, creative and romantic way to do it.

First of all, the book contains 101 stories in total.  After reading just the first fifteen stories, I knew this is exactly what men need to make their proposal exceptional.   I found myself leaning back in my chair, saying, “wow,” after reading many of the stories.

So does “The Romantic’s Guide to Popping the Question” really provide you with quality stories, ideas and inspiration for an unforgettable marriage proposal?  It does with  some Pro’s and Con’s.

Cons:

  • Mr. Webb has some unorthodox methods of proposing.  Could be I’m old or I’ve been down that road, however you might find some of the stories not applicable.
  • It makes other stories of proposals, even half decent ones look TERRIBLE.  That might not be a bad thing, but it could if others hear how you proposed.

Pros:

  • There are many creative proposal stories to give you a good idea on what would work for you.
  • Creative proposal based around your religious faith, which is nice to see in this day and age.
  • Some of the WORST marriage proposals that will have you laughing your guts out!  So much so, you will share with your friends.
  • Easy reading, easy to follow and inexpensive.
  • The extra bonuses that Mr. Webb throws in to make the deal sweet.

You can learn more about the books by clicking here.

Out of all the blogs, I hope you find this one most helpful.  Put this on your Groom’s To do list.  Review the enclosed information, receive your bonuses and know that this is not a scam.

Until the next blog.

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Groom’s to do list – How to get on the same page as your Bride to be.

The many challenges that a Groom faces in his role with the wedding is just what do you do?  In this day and time, what use to work, say 10 years ago, doesn’t necessarily work today.  Many wedding that we do at Monell’s Dining & Catering, here in Nashville have “extra” parents.  Not just on one side, but on both.  We even did one wedding that the Bride’s Mother and Father were divorced.  Both had remarried, with the father being married a second time.  So we had the original Mother and Father on both sides, with their new spouses and the Bride’s father with his bride number 3 with bride number 2 there as well.  So I guess that would be Step Mom third removed?!  All I can tell you it was hell doing a seating arrangement at the rehearsal dinner and the wedding.

There are a lot of dynamics that go into a successful wedding.  Sometimes I think it is easier if you just elope and throw a big ass party when you get back.  If you’re goanna piss off someone, piss them all off and have a good time.

I’m giving you a bonus so listen to me on some advice from someone that knows the many dynamics that play out in a wedding reception and ceremony.  If I were to give you a couple key items it would be this:

1.       This wedding is about you and the woman you are going to marry.  Regardless of how others want to “suggest” or “influence” or even “dictate” on how your day should go, this day is yours so claim it early.

As simple as this is going to sound, it makes the difference between happiness and hell.  After you propose and you’ve taken the time to tell everyone, you and your future bride need to sit somewhere quiet and do this simple exercise.

  1. Give each other a blank sheet of paper.
  2. Give yourself 10 minutes and 10 minutes only.
  3. Start at the same time and write down everything YOU want your wedding ceremony and reception to be.
  4. Don’t worry about how far off it is or impossible, just write down everything YOU want your wedding day to be.  Put down the first things that come to mind.
  5. Once the 10 minutes are up, STOP!
  6. You might find that the Bride has many more items then you.  That’s because she has been planning this day in her head for a very long time.
  7. Exchange the paper with each other and IN THE SILENCE read what each of you has written.
  8. DO NOT DISCUSS ANYTHING AT THIS TIME.
  9. With her list in front of you and yours in front of her, circle the 5 items from her list that you think are the most important items to you.  She will do the same.  And rank them in order of importance to you.
  10. DO NOT DISCUSS AT THIS TIME.
  11. Exchange the papers back and review what she feels is the most important items on your list.  She will do the same.
  12. DO NOT DISCUSS AT THIS TIME.
  13. TAKE A BREAK RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW – 5 minutes.
  14. Now come back to the table and start to see and discuss if you both have any common thoughts in the top 5 items you prioritized.
  15. Now look to see if there is one or more items in the top 5 that both of you ranked the same.
  16. REMEMBER – this is no place to criticize or critique each other’s thoughts on what this day means.  Don’t be offended or upset if you both have different views.

You both might get upset because you feel that the other doesn’t have the same ideas on what this day should be.  That is not the point.  The point is to discuss what this day means to you and for you both to get on the same page before, and I said BEFORE you meet with the parents.

If you both have totally different views on this important day, I would take time to discuss them, without emotions, and find out what it will take to understand each other’s views.  If this is difficult, then now is the time for a marriage counselor or a self-help course or something to do together.

Why am I straight to the point on this?  If you both can’t get an idea of what you want this day to be, just wait till you get everyone’s opinion on what THEY think your day should be.  I’m telling you as hard as I can.  If you both don’t get a handle on this event, someone else will.  If you can’t find a happy medium then this gives you an indication that there might be bigger problems ahead.

More later on the Groom’s to do list.

clicking here.

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A Simple Groom’s To Do List after she says “I Do”

A Groom’s to do list is more than just showing up. Having years of catering under my belt and owning Monell’s Dining & Catering here in Nashville, you can see that this is not a scam. I’ve taken a minute to condense what I feel are the key items for your To Do lists and your responsibility as a groom.

I would also encourage you to review a couple of recommendations as to how a wedding is put together; ideas for your honeymoon; speeches that you or your Best Man can give that won’t embarrass you ( or your Bride!); financial responsibilities for a wedding as well as a couple useful tips and bonuses.
But for now, a quick, condense version of A Groom’s To Do list:

Rehearsal Dinner:
It is the responsibility of the Grooms’ parents to host the rehearsal dinner. A rehearsal dinner is usually given the night before the wedding, and after the wedding rehearsal. A rehearsal dinner is one of the few times that both families are brought together in a more intimate type dining experience.

A Rehearsal dinner was designed for the immediate family on both sides; the attendants and a guest; parent(s) of the flower girl and/or ring bearer; the grandparents; parents and the Officiator of the wedding. I have also seen rehearsal dinners become as big as the wedding. Really, the choice is up to you or your parents or both.

Do Not Go Cheap! You don’t have to break the bank either, but this is the only item financially that the Groom’s parents are responsible for. You can provide a tasteful dinner, or a fun post wedding party as your rehearsal dinner. You can invite as many or as few as you want. But remember the key people as stated above.

There is a lot of discussion as to what is right or wrong in whom to invite or not to invite. My professional opinion is this: It’s your damn party, invite who you want or don’t want. You don’t have to invite every Aunt, Uncle, cousin, or people traveling from out of town. Get with your parents and find out the budget. That will dictate how big or little the event will be.

Wedding Ring:
There is the engagement ring, the wedding band that goes with the engagement ring and the Groom’s wedding band. I have to tell you that what men think about wedding rings and what woman think are two different things. If you are going to surprise her with an engagement ring, then you better do your investigation ahead of time. You should know whether she is into big rings or small. Likes glitz or something low key. Wants a rock or something simple. And the secret to picking out a great wedding ring lies on the hand of your soon to be bride. Look at what she wears every day. See what she wears when you go out or dress up. Notice what is in her jewelry box. Notice what she says about rings when she looks through magazines, or what she says about her friends ring or about her sister’s ring. Put this on your mental to do list. Because when you get it wrong, you’re stuck with a big investment.

Honeymoon and Travel:
Start saving your bucks now. The sooner you plan this, the better your life will be. Homework is important here. Can you imagine having a honeymoon that is in a place that is hot as hell, when your Bride doesn’t do well in heat? How about a great cruise, when your Bride is fearful of water. That’s OK; take her hiking, especially if she hates climbing. What you think is a great honeymoon might turn out to be the beginning of a very long dry spell, if you know what I mean. Review the many options that are out there. You will even get bonuses for being a newlywed. Milk it for all it’s worth!

As with the wedding ring example, keep your ears open and listen. She will give you feedback on what would make a great honeymoon or places she likes or places she would never go to. Play your cards right and you will be the Groom of all Groom’s.

Wedding Attire:
Once again, this is a joint decision. Tux or not? County flair with cowboy hats or a 3 piece suit? Black or gray? Purple or green tie? Your rolled up sleeves and denim jean look won’t go over far, unless that is the type of wedding you are having. Once you decide on the attire then you need to get your groomsmen, best man, ring bearer, Father of the Bride and Father of the Groom if applicable, over to the tux shop for fittings. Do this as soon as you both decide on the attire. I had a small wedding therefore I paid for my best man’s tux. I think you should pay for the rental, other people will say it’s the responsibility of those that participate. The call is yours.

Marriage License:
This should be done at least three weeks before the ceremony. Most states, if not all, require your birth certificate. Check your local office for the requirements.

Transportation Arrangements:
A Groom’s To Do list will have all transportation arrangements made for the wedding day. Limousine or Horse drawn Carriage? Vintage car or a scooter? Provide transportation for the new bride to the wedding or have a car waiting to whisk you away after the reception. Whatever the case, this needs to be booked a good three months before your big day. It is usually the Best Man’s responsibility to get the Groom to the church.

Wedding Night Accommodations:
Don’t laugh. I can’t tell you how many wedding receptions that we have done where the Groom forgot to make arrangements for their first night together. Book a hotel room, stay one last time at your apartment, or sleep in a tent. Whatever the case is, your To Do list needs this on it!

Reservation Arrangements:
Out of town guests are coming to share this day with you. Work hard to make hotel accommodations that are close to the wedding reception. Work with a sales manager at a couple hotels for a special wedding rate. Then provide this information to your guests. Unless you have the big bucks, they don’t expect you to pay for their rooms. Remember, putting the grandparents in a hotel that is hosting the local basketball tournament is probably not a good thing. Understand your city’s schedule of events and plan accordingly.

Payments:
The Groom is responsible for paying the presiding official, singers and organist/pianist. Reception payments are a different thing. Usually the Father-In law has taken care of the bill for the entertainment of the event. In which case you need to provide a “gratuity” to the musicians or disc jockey.

Gifts:
Groom’s To Do list needs to cover gifts for the attendants, on both sides, and the BRIDE! This can be a joint venture on deciding what gifts of appreciation you are going to give to the attendants. You get the bill.

Your Bride deserves a gift. I know, your love and affection is gift enough, HOWEVER, a simple gift that you give her the night of the honeymoon makes the last year of frustrations and craziness melt away. It could be something as big as a house (only kidding), or as small as a box of chocolates. Just something to say, Thank you for saying I Do!

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Groom’s to do list starts before the “I Do”

A Grooms To Do list is more than just “showing up” for the big day. There are many components that start after she says “I Do”! The first of the to do list is get a ring. If you haven’t, and you asked her, you already started on the wrong foot.

Face it; Men hate rejection. When Joey and I dated, and as it became serious I would periodically ask her “if I would propose to you today, what would you say?” I just couldn’t bare the thought of me on one knee, looking up into her big brown eyes, pulling a very expensive box out of my very sweaty pocket to open it up and have her say NO! or Hell No! So for me, I had to test the waters.

Part of my to do list started even before I was thinking about asking her to marry me. I kept my ears open to things she would say such as; She hates surprises, doesn’t like big rings, if I get married, I don’t want a big wedding, want somewhere hot for the honeymoon, I’ve waited all my life for this day. I kept my list hidden cause I wanted to make sure as a Groom to be, I did everything right. I’ve seen too many weddings where the Groom had no clue as to where to go, what to do or even who picked up the wedding rings.

The top item on your To Do list is this:
#1. Never, Ever say that all you have to do is “just show up” for the wedding. Not funny.
#2. When she asks you your opinion on something regarding the wedding, Never, Ever say: “It doesn’t matter to me”. What she is hearing you say is you “don’t care”!
#3  Don’t play golf the day of your wedding!!! She will feel that golf is more important than her and those balls you played with today may be the only balls that get played with during your honeymoon.

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